JANUARY

High School winter camp, going out for a "brisk" hike in the woods. Tony will take the kids on a hike rain or shine! 100 degrees, or near freezing. He says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Brand new "Hogan" cabin being built by Hamann Construction Co. This design was put together by the previous owners of the property who wanted a whole village of Miners Cabins (of which they put 2), Teepee cabins (of which they built 1), and Hogan cabins (indian themed cabins of which they never got around to build). There was also a longstanding covered wagon cabin that burned in 2007. Now we have Miners cabins (actual WWII army baracks), a Teepee, and a Hogan cabin just to rpresent the past 200 years of California history!

Jeremy turned 30 this year. He had some friends up to Julian for the day to celebrate with him. In the morning, Jeremy's high school buddy Dave (pictured) came up to go on a mountain bike ride and together they tackled the back country of Julian. Jeremy ate it, was knocked out cold, got a concussion and scraped up his face and back pretty good. After waking him up, Dave drove him back up to the party at the camp and the day went along as planned. Besided Sarah being freaked out a little, the party was great! Thanks to all who showed up.

FEBRUARY

More winter camps. This time with the younger campers. This camper was an adventure seeker, can you tell?

This counselor was a 'good sport' at another winter camp.

Luke losing his two front teeth

Hogan cabin coming along...

Our anniversary is on February 9, followed closely by Valentines Day on the 14th, followed by Sarah's birthday the 15th. One week, 3 Superbowls. Here we are celebrating at our favorite place, San Diego.

Winter came to Julian this year for sure. This is our little house on the prairie.

MARCH

This game at winter camp involves sitting on other people's laps. I don't know if counselor Bobby really liked this game after having to see this!

Luke getting ready to turn 7 on the 20th.

Luke, Allie, and bestfriend Sam hanging out.

Snow takes down a massive tree on the property. We were told this was one of the oldest trees in Julian by the historical society.

Redheads look good in the snow!

Dude, don't slip!

Luke's Birthday. Miniature golf of course.

APRIL

Junior Counselor Training Weekend. Always work to do!

This JC is knee deep in chores.

The theme for the JC weekend was 'Game Shows'. We would ask the JC's questions about camp and the way things work, where things go, etc. and they would answer. We through in Jeapoardy, Wheel of Fortune, Minute to Win It, even Family Feud.

Our first ever Alumni Camp took place on April 30th. It was hard to track down some former campers but through Facebook, we found some. When a foster youth hits 18 years old, they are emancipated from the system and have freddom to be on their own or to join in some further govt. assisted programs. We like to stay in touch with as many campers as possible, and even would like to make having Alumni Camps more an annual thing.

New archery course was put in by a local Eagle Scout who needed to complete a final project.

MAY

Legacy Church got a few guys together and fixed our tired amphitheater up. Thanks guys!

Looks good guys.

Construction completed on the new cabin, the Virginia House.

Pretty nice, huh?

Hamann, you can never know what this house will mean to us. Camp thanks you!

The month of May means getting ready for campers in June. Here, the fire pit is getting redone. For most campers, sharing their stories of abuse and neglect around this camp fire becomes a sort of "rite of passage". Even the most hardened campers bring their guard down here at this special place.

Allison turned 5 years old on May 19th

At the end of May, we had a big fundraiser for all the women ladies; we called it, "Esther's Court". Mistry did a great job putting this thing together, if you were there, then you know how great it turned out.

The catered food was awesome! Thanks to Ramona Family Foods.

JUNE

June means camp. Here are some junior highers enjoying camp. The good news about the jr. high camp is that the camp staff all survived!

Here is a group of junior highers. An older youth pastor once told us that jr. high ministry is a blessing, not a curse.

JULY

Katie Michelle Britton arrived July 2! 7lbs, 7 oz. 20" long. Future President.

Aren't these the cutest feet you've ever seen?

Junior Counselors are a great bridge between the counselors and the campers. They are in the skits, do chores, in the cabins with the kids, participate in hikes and game times, share their testimonies, and then do more chores.

Elementay campers enjoying field games. Potatoe sack races, water balloon toss, egg toss, and relay races to name a few. It was right after we dropped these campers off at the bus stop in Escondido that Sarah and Jeremy went to the hospital. one hour after dropping the kids off, Sarah was checked into the hospital and was considered to be in labor. Talk about great timing! Katie was born the next morning at about 1:30 a.m.

AUGUST

August brought more high shool camps. Look at this GQ.

This camper loving the kitchen prep. Hey, wanna job?

Luke and Allie not afraid to get into the middle of things. These high schoolers eat a lot! Around here, it's all hands on deck.

High schoolers still love camp.

Gilligan and Skipper anchored our gospel presentation as played out through Gilligan's Island.

SEPTEMBER 

After a great summer and a new baby, the Brittons went on vacation to San Diego. We borrowed Sarah's parents motorhome and got a couple of nights at Campland on the Bay. Here we are kayaking the bay.

OCTOBER

Katie's gettin' big

Jeremy's grandpa passed away earlier in the year and was buried at Arlington National Cemetary in Washington DC. The burial was awe inspiring with the 21 gun salute, the full navy band, and a horse drawn carriage.

Here's Jeremy's mom receiving his folded American flag.

This is grandpa's old house in Alexandria, VA where Jeremy and his siblings would spend some of their summers as kids.

Here is Jeremy with his older brother Josh and his younger sister Ashleigh. This spot is where grandpa would take us kids when we were all together.

Jeremy and Luke on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

Camp Julian Oaks had another camper picnic at Kit Karson park in Escondido. We had a great turnout with tons of campers showing up for a follow up to summer camp.

Lets keep these kids in prayer.

NOVEMBER

After hosting the Calvary Chapel Norco Men's Retreat up at Camp Julian Oaks, Jeremy was given the awesome oppurtunity to give the Sunday morning message at Calvary Chapel Norco the next week.

DECEMBER

Christmas camp 2011

The Living Nativity that the campers put on in the center of town was outstanding; and freezing!

There was a nice turnout for the Living Nativity in town.

A good looking group

Katie getting her first taste of carrots.

 Wow, what a great year; thanks for being a part of it.  Truly we are are in this ministry together .  Let’s do it again next year!

We are looking forward to a fantastic day here in the San Diego mountains come October 22, 2011.  Here is some stuff you’ll want to know about the event.

Expect to get fed well, to have a lot of fun with the family, and to enjoy what the ladies at camp call a "boutique". I understand that to mean that you can purchase nice stuff for your house. All proceeds go directly to help our ministry reach foster children for Jesus Christ through a unique camping experience.

Did I mention the food? You will drive away fat and happy.

Silent auctions are part of this event. We have many people throughout the year thinking and dreaming up themed baskets of goods. All funds go directly to camp and you get to walk away with some really great stuff!

Come hear what the Lord is doing through the ministry at Camp Julian Oaks.

Also at this year’s event we will have some skilled people who are going to be putting on a few demonstrations for everyone.  These demonstrations include woodworking, Tom-a-hawk throwing, olde tyme yarn spinning, a live KSDW radio broadcast, and a Christian illusionist.  We also have a bunch of games scheduled for the kids.  This is our biggest event of the year and it is going to be very cool.

If you would like to attend the event, just left click on the flyer posted in this blog, print it off, and send back the appropriate portion of the flyer to us.  RSVPers help us to know how many to cook and plan for.

Knowing that not all of you are going to be able to make it for the event, there is still an oppurtunity to be a part of it through our raffle tickets.  We are selling $1 raffle tickets prior to and on the day of the event.  Raffle prizes include:

1) An overnight stay at the “Virginia House” our on site mountain cabin, with gift certificates to local Julian restaurants.

2) An adult “Cruiser” bicycle, from Omega Bikes.

3) A $50 gift certificate to Olive Garden.

If you would like to purchase some tickets, you can simply make a check payable to “Julian Oaks Youth Ministries”  P.O. Box 835   Julian, CA 92036.  Just slip in a “post-it” note into your envelope (please avoid writing in the memo section of the check) stating your intention to purchase raffle tickets.  We will put your name on your tickets, and Wha-La, you’re in!

(If you would like to sell some tickets for Camp, thanks in advance!  I can e-mail you the tickets, and you can print them off and sell them at work, school, or anywhere.)

We hope to see you all here, thanks again for what you do.

“And let the beauty of the Lord be upon us, And establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the works of our hands.”  Psalms 90:17

Jeremy

SUMMER’S THEME: “From the  Pit to the Palace – the amazing story of Joseph”.

As many of you are familiar with, Joseph was that individual in the later chapters of Genesis that suffered through tremendous persecution.  After sharing his dreams with his father and brothers, Joseph was hated and soon found himself thrown into a pit by his own family.  He was eventually pulled out of the pit only to be sold into the Egyptian slave trade.  As a follower of God, Joseph never lost hope.  He worked hard, harder than anyone else around him and was chosen to be the head servant in the house of Potiphar.  Mrs. Potiphar noticed Joseph right off the bat as a good looking man, and she tried to persuade him to “lie with me”.  The man of integrity that he was, Joseph refused and found himself in an Egyptian dungeon as he was lied about once again.  But “the Lord was with Joseph”, a phrase our campers heard often this summer, and through a turn of events with Pharoah himself, Joseph eventually found himself exalted to the palace calling the shots on what was to be an extraordinary famine that was to hit the land.  Through all of his life’s ups and downs, Joseph never lost hope, never gave up, and was eventually able to help his family that treated him so poorly years earlier.

The story of Joseph is quite analogous to that of a foster child.  The children that come to this camp have been put through enough junk in their short lives that most of us would take a lifetime to accumulate.  The campers found Joseph to be someone they could relate to, the difference being Joseph was loved by his father and hated by his brothers and the campers find themselves not being shown the love of caring parents, and often turning to their brothers and sisters and trying to raise themselves for as long as they can.   Story after story from campers  this summer reminded me why we are in this ministry.  God has a special place for those who are despised in this world.

1I waited patiently for the LORD; 
   he turned to me and heard my cry. 
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 
   out of the mud and mire; 
he set my feet on a rock 
   and gave me a firm place to stand. 
³ He put a new song in my mouth, 
   a hymn of praise to our God. 
Many will see and fear the LORD 
   and put their trust in him.          -Psalms 40

Check out this gallery of photos that tell the story of camp for Summer 2011

Skipper and Gilligan this year helped us drive the point home that God is always with us, even on deserted islands. Think a Christian Gilligan's Island.

Summer day at the lake with "gourmet" PB&J.

Lake Cuyamaca every Thursday afternoon.

What's so funny?

Some cool masks were made this year by the kids for a craft.

Which way, guys?

Camp clown

Even the campers help cook around here.

Luke and Allison always part of the action. Keep it up guys, no lumps.

Showing off Momma and baby

Get up, it's campfire songs!

The best part of the day; campfire.

Camp songs never get old

The new archery range this year was a hit.

The ropes course is always a camp favorite

Luke half boy, half spider-monkey

1....2....3....Jump!

Victory is sweet in every competition at camp

Yup, summer was pretty great this year.  We were able to put on a great program with depth and meaning and were able to introduce new kids to Jesus Christ.  Veteran campers were excited to get close to the Lord once again.  Camp ministry can sure be exhausting, but so rewarding.

Testimonies each night shared by the campers at campfire can be hard to listen to. I don’t know how many stories start out with, “When I was young, my dad left my mom she started drinking and getting into drugs.”  This always leads to a bad ending.  One camper in particular shared how he has lived in a group home for a long time since his dad died when he was seven and his mom died when he was eight.  He felt he had no one to look up to, no one to guide him.  Then he looked at the campers that he only knew for one week and let them know that he feels like they are his new family from God.  (This particular camper gave his heart to God at camp this summer).  Other campers haven’t seen their brothers or sisters in years.  A lot of the new campers this year did not know they were going to a Christian summer camp because their group homes just sign them up for this and take them to the bus stop.  After day one they say, ‘I don’t know how much of this Jesus stuff I can handle.”  By weeks end, they are the ones getting everyone ready for worship time and Bible Study!  It is hard to resist the love of God shown to you by people all week long.   There are just so many testimonies that are touching, and I’ll try to pass those on in future posts.

Thanks for your continued prayers for us and  these campers.  May your treasures in Heaven be bountiful.

-Jeremy

This year at camp, we are running with the theme, “From The Pit, To The Palace” which follows the life of Joseph.  As you remember, Joseph was the Biblical character who was sold into slavery by his brothers, lied about and cast into prison, only to be exalted to second to Pharoah later in his life.  He truly lived the “rags to riches” story.  We think this theme fits well with the ministry that we are charged with, ministry to foster youth.  Though they have been through some of the most difficult situations that one can think of, they have not been forgotten of by God and we are here to tell them just that.  What an oppurtunity we have, to tell these kids about their God, the One who is faithful at all times and is there for them through the thick and thin.

Last week, we hosted close to 50 campers, counselors, and junior counselors.  Time seemed to fly by as we have event after event and activity after activity planned.  Each day we have 2 Bible studies, swim time, hike, craft, team games, tons of food, followed by campfire testimony time and campfire talk.  Each camper gets more attention on them in a week than they get anywhere else all year.  Counselors and staff alike try to give the kids their best all week-long.  We have a saying, “The kids deserve as much from you on Friday as you gave to them on Monday.”

Making home-made ice cream for Kitchen Craft time.

Praise and worship time is a camp favorite.

Campfire time is full of praise / worship songs, skits, testimonies, and a late night Bible Study.

Quick learner.

Dave was able to start fire in seconds with a magnifying glass and char-cloth.

Dave also brought his black powder musket for the kids to fire at our shooting range.

BANG!

A good looking crew

Campfire testimony time is both the most heart-wrenching and hopeful time that we have at camp.  The campers are given the opportunity to share their stories with us, their camp family.  The distant parents of these kids have no idea how deeply they have hurt their own children, and do not realize the gift they are missing in seeing them grow up.  Though these kids have been hurt so badly, they have the unique ability to see the hurt in other people’s lives and they are able to reach out to them with deep compassion.  Last week, one camper in particular had this great compassion.  He shared how he has been in the system for many years now, and has lived in many different homes.  He was not always a good student, but eventually came around and really started to apply himself in high school.  He had a counselor at camp share with him a dream that he had of him being a doctor someday.  He realized he needed to have good grades for that to be a reality.  The turning point for him was when he saw the special-ed students at his high school and noticed how happy they were all the time, even though they have the hardest life of anybody around.  This camper was known for being reclusive and quiet, keeping to himself most of the time.  He so badly wanted to have joy in his life and figured with the Lord and with the influence of these special students, he would find that joy he was looking for.  He made the decision to spend his lunch hour with these mentally and physically handicapped students and he was greatly loved by them.  In return, he too showed great love.  He was even given some art pieces by them that are really close to his heart.  He is now entering into his senior year of High School and wants to become an occupational therapist so that he can continue his work with the handicapped.  His ability to see past his own pain, see the pain in other’s lives and be willing to reach out and help them, is truly Christ like.

Daniel, another who shared his testimony, was a kid who didn’t know the Lord Jesus.  It was his first time at camp.  He came from a terrible up-bringing where he was never taught about God in a truthful way.  His mother was a drug addict and and an alcoholic.  She  slept with many guys in exchange for a nights shelter for her and her kids.  Daniel’s mom was out of control for the time that she had custody of her children.  She consistently “hooked up” with guys who were violent and substance abusers.  Daniel grew up in a violent environment where he saw his mother beaten, threatened, and his sister sold for money at the age of 12.  He would often find naked people in his own bed as he entered his room.  Daniel was told by his mother that he was nothing more than an accident, a one night stand gone bad.  He shared that the reason that he always wears black is to show outwardly his internal scars.  He wanted everyone to know that he is sad and angry.   At the end of his sharing all this, he turned to us and said, “This week, I have truly learned that Jesus loves me, that I am not an accident, and I want to know more about this Jesus.”  We were able to look him in the eye and confirm to him that he was no accident.  Instead, Daniel heard clearly that he is made in God’s image, he is deeply loved by God and God has a plan for his life.

Please continue to pray for the campers that we are able to minister to.  They need the Lord so desperately and He is reaching them through so many people at camp.  They are in the teeth of temptation and in the grip of bitterness in their young lives.  Pray that they will be able to find a church that would pour into them, other Christian leaders that will take them under their wings.  Pray that they will find stability.  Pray that when they turn 18 and are emancipated from the system, that they will show self-control and not make rash decisions with their lives. Pray that they follow God with everything that they’ve got, even when the when circumstances look grim.

We are sincerely grateful for all of you that have shown support in countless ways towards this work.  While we have the privilege of loving these children personally, you too have a very important role in their lives.  Your prayers and financial gifts allow our family to serve here and share Jesus with children who are hungry and hurting.  Thank you.

It is been a bit of time since we have blogged last.  There is a lot to catch you up both in our personal lives and in the ministry we are dedicated to, Camp Julian Oaks.  As I write, Sarah is roughly 8 weeks from her due date with our third, and LAST kid.  As many of you know, we are expecting a girl right around the Fourth of July.   What a joy!  I guess swallowing my pride and buying a mini-van in 2006 is going to be paying off.

Where to start with the latest news around camp???  We had an awesome winter camp season with many foster children coming back from summer and being able to be further discipled.  Many kids love getting away from their group homes and the other every-day situations that they are in and hearing from people who really love them here.  Camp to many kids is a refuge.  That reality is never lost on me as I see the kids faces and hear the stories of their pasts.  Kids love this place and are always super excited to come up when they are invited.

Along with winter camps for campers, we also had a Junior Counselor Training weekend.  These are kids 15-19 years old who want to serve, cook, clean, and be a big part of camp.  We all know that it is free labor as they do most of the cleaning around here while camp is in session, but they keep coming back!  What is really exciting is that most of the JC’s that serve here are former campers who want to share the love of Jesus with new kids at camp just as they were loved on when they were campers.  Pretty cool.

Worker bees tending the new garden

Working the chipper, a never-ending job.

You have to be a little nutty to keep your sanity around here.

A few weekends ago, we piloted a new idea.  Since there have been so many campers that have come through here, why not have an “Alumni Camp” where former campers who are out of high school can come to camp for a day and hear that Good News once again.  Tina and Sarah spent a lot of time tracking these former campers down on Facebook.  We had a great turn-out and were able to see the spouses and kids of these former campers.  Some campers were doing really well, doing their best, working hard, honoring the Lord with their lives.  Others were not doing so well.  Many of them have young children and are single parents, no jobs, no driver license, no college, just living and barely getting by.  I was particularly grieved by one young man.  He entered “the system” when he was 9 years old and moved over 13 times in 9 years.  His biological mom, grandma and grandpa all died within a couple of months of each other last year.  He is in his early 20′s, no job, on probation, suspended driver license, lives in a few different places, and is far from God.  He still drives his car, even though his license has been suspended for a couple of years now.  When he parks his car, he always backs it up against a wall so that the authorities do not recognize that his tags are a couple of years old.   He found out that he was a father when a girl that he was messing around with sent him a message on MySpace.com after she gave birth and recognized that it didn’t look like her current boyfriend, but this former camper.  After the paternal test results came in, it was confirmed, he was the father.  What a way to find out, huh?  Let’s keep this young man in prayer that he would get motivated, serious-minded, and would move ahead in life with purpose as a strong believer in Christ.

Some Alumni shooting on our new archery course

Looking good, guys.

Show them how its done, son.

A good-looking bunch.

Spring is also our big counselor recruiting season.  We put the word out to a lot of different churches to get new blood in to the ministry for our summer program.  We even did a little advertising on Christian radio.  I contacted KWVE 107.9 in Orange County and KSDW 88.9 in San Diego County about getting a blurb on the air letting people know about our need for counselors.  The morning DJ and I spoke and he wanted to do better than just an announcement, he wanted to come out to camp and do a 30 minute interview to air, and he wanted to come out the same day that we spoke because he was so excited about what we are doing here at camp.  The interview with Tony and Tina Massa, the directors of Camp Julian Oaks, aired 4 times!  It even aired on the radio as we were driving kids back from a weekend at camp!  God has perfect timing.  We had our counselor training day at Calvary Chapel Escondido where we had about 20 new faces who were wanting to volunteer as counselors.  Praise the Lord for these new servants.

VIRGINIA HOUSE is finally finished.  Check out these before and after pics.  Can you believe it?

The OLD Virginia House

Old School

The plumbing needed a little attention. Notice the bucket under the sink. When that got full, you had to take it outside and water a bush.

I think you get the point.

Coming together

Drywall took no time at all

New and Improved!

Nice porch with a great view

This furniture was donated by a Condo complex in Yorba Linda that was renovating their club-house. It's a great fit and looks beautiful.

This is going to become the girls cabin and the main cabin for groups who rent our facility for their church retreats.

All the bunk beds were donated by another camp who had them in storage. They came at the perfect time for our new cabin!

Lucky girls! This place is a palace compared to what the boys have.

A bathroom at camp has never looked so amazing!

A brand new kitchen!

There is also another bathroom, linen closet, washer/dryer, bedroom, kitchen pantry, and garage with an extra storage room.

The Hogan cabin is also done. This was the cabin that replaces the cabin that burnt to the ground a couple of years ago.

This is the start of something good.

Coming together

It's Finished!

A big step up for the guys. Last year they slept in a converted canvas car port.

-Jeremy-

Sarah’s Thoughts:

Hope that you have all had a very blessed Easter filled with Jesus love.  I love spring time and all of the wild flowers that grow everywhere.  It reminds me of God’s beauty in all of his creation.  It is amazing how a plant that can look so dead a few weeks ago can come to life and bloom.  Just like when we come to Jesus and allow Him to grow us.  Speaking of growing we only have 8 weeks to go until the baby is here!  It has gone pretty fast and praise God the baby and I have been healthy.  Recently it has seemed to slow down, but I am sure that all of you mom’s out there can understand why.  It gets a little uncomfortable at the end here.  We still don’t have a name picked out for our sweet little girl.  There are so many beautiful names that it is hard to choose.

My dear friend Cherith is a photographer and came up to visit a few weeks back.  We had a blast taking pictures of my belly and the kids.  I hope that you enjoy the pictures as much as we have.

Luke is playing baseball again this year and Jeremy is coaching.  They love it.  This year they have moved up from t-ball to  the minors with a pitching machine.  I can’t believe my baby is growing up so fast.  Allison and I enjoy cheering from the bleachers.  Life is very exciting and I am very blessed to be a wife and a mother in such a loving family.  Luke is almost done with first grade and Allison is moving up to kindergarten.  Wow!  Time sure flies when you are having fun!

Thank you to everyone that supports our family financially and with prayer.  Your love and support make a huge difference in our lives and we are grateful.  God bless you all!

-Sarah Britton-

Winter camps are a great time for the campers to get refreshed in the Lord.  Many of them don’t go to church throughout the year or don’t have positive influences in their lives to keep them going.  At Camp Julian Oaks, we try our best to give them as much of God’s love as we can while we have them.

Here are a few pics from this past weekend with a group of High Schoolers.

A good looking bunch

Let's make something clear, this is Sarah's mini-van, not Jeremy's. Jeremy bought a minivan for his wife. Minivan's are not man machines, they are for the mom's out there. Jeremy does not like to drive the van except when it serves a purpose like picking up some campers.

Which way?

Jacob, the mountain man.

Leaf angel Jolene

Hiking never looked so cool

Michael later admitted, "climbing that rock was like facing your fears."

The Great Outdoors beats video games anytime

We share the hiking grounds in Julian with these monsters.

One weekend and they are all best friends.

Squeezing them all in

Great actors, all of them.

"How do you serve the Lord if you have an interest in computers?" asks Rob. "Jonathon, why don't you take this one" we asked. Jonathon, a brilliant computer programmer and volunteer camp counselor, is all over it.

A true gentle giant

Counselor Aaron sharing about his camper. Many campers do not know what they are going to do when they turn 18 and are emancipated from the system. Words of faith are needed to keep their spirits high.

Camp songs always bring out the best in people.

This camper wants to graduate from high school and join the Army to turn wrenches on helicopters. Last summer he had long hair and has since cut it off and donated it to cancer patients.

I hope to see all of you there.  Here is a little taste of what you can expect at the gathering!

By the way, leave a comment of encouragement for Crystal and we’ll be sure to that she recieves it.  Love to all.

Remember

Remember; remember do you remember at all

The last time I came here the last time I called

Remember dear Dad that day you said you’d never leave

And though you left I still believed

In my head I knew you’d never come

And yet still I waited for you with each rising sun

And with every sunset I died just a little inside

And like the cuts on flesh I still tried to hide

That love I had for you and you alone

The love I still offer even though I’m grown

Ring, ring… no one answers

Remember dear Mom when you said you wouldn’t die

It’s been three years now and I still cry

I miss your touch, your hair, your voice

But I know that death was not your choice

I saw it coming a mile away

And still I ignored it, still I thought you would stay

Knock, knock… no one answers

Remember big brother when you said you’d keep me from harm

To this day I still can’t be near you without feeling alarm

Please don’t be mad at me, don’t hurt, don’t yell

You gave me this secret and I’ve kept it so well

Ask anyone here and they will tell you the same

One look at me and they all swear I’m sane

The nightmares are gone but the damage is done

And although you never asked through God it’s my forgiveness you’ve won

I let you hurt me still even today

What in our heads has made it this way?

Ring, ring… no one answers

Remember dear siblings when you said we’d never part

Sixteen years and it still pulls at my heart.

I envied you all like I envied the sky

No one could hurt you and I wanted to know why

We share little in common except for our blood

Our memories together have dried up like mud

Birthdays past and holidays too

I wonder if you think of me as often as I think of you

Knock, knock… no one answers

Remember dear government when you promised me a place

Did you forget to mention I couldn’t show my face?

The burden of a foster was mine to bear

So I didn’t complain when they yelled, hit, touched or teared

Six foster homes, six versions of right and wrong

Same old abuse, same old song

I waited for a family like any child would

They all said I was bad, oh how I tried to be good

Ring, ring… no one answers

Do you remember school when you promised to make me smart

You told me I was dumb and that it was too late to start

You sent me to doctors and recommended meds

One’s that gave me nightmares and messed with my head

In my mind I dreamt of the day a teacher would notice me

All that I was, all I could be

But at age seven I still couldn’t read

You called me slow, retarded, a bad seed

Knock, knock… No one answers

Tell me now do you remember dear friends

When you promised me we’d be together to the end

I was shy then and now that was easy to see

It made it easy for you to take advantage of me

We stole, we cheated, we lied and then

I would always accept the blame when we were caught in the end

I wanted a hug, a smile just to know it was alright

But in the years we knew each other it was just fight after fight

Ring, ring… no one answers

Remember first crush and second one too

You promised me happiness but away it flew

And in the end of it all you stole my heart

So from the beginning I now must start

You taught me not to trust in any human but me

That’s the way truth is I guess the way it should be

Knock, knock… no one answers

Remember dear me when you promised to be strong

And yet for love and happiness you still long

You are no stranger to isolation yet still you try

To find acceptance in everyone’s eye

When will you answer the phone, when will you see me at this door

Realize that God has something in store

I watch you cry nearly every night

This same old Me you used to fight

I see the pain and know it too

You are me and I am you

Remember? Remember do you remember at all

Please, please remember me next time I call

Ring; ring… knock, knock… and the door opens up

After 15 years I finally let you fill my cup

You’ve opened your arms a thousand times

Despite my hatred, my protest, my crimes

And on that day I turned, there you stood

Telling me I’m beautiful, wanted, good

Yes Lord, I remember, I remember it all

I will never forget that day you called